Thursdays.

Somehow all the days just feel like Wednesdays.

It's official. I'm depressed. Not depressed-depressed. You know, not the failing-to-function, can't-wash-my-own-hair kind of depressed, but depressed nonetheless.

I don't feel overtly sad. I'm just apathetic. Apathetic and listless. About all things. Part of it is the month I've had. Part of it is the October blues, which in reality stretches out through most of the winter. Lightening a bit around T-day (probably not this year though), and clearing up for a bit around the first of the new year. Then before long comes the end of February melt-down which without fail arises out of the perfect storm created by the endless February/March flu, midterms, and a high census at work. How I survive all that, I'll never know. How I'm going to fare this year without my medication is yet to be seen. But, and I say this without trying to sound too much like Sylvia Plath via The Bell Jar, I'm hopeful.

Eh, well, if anyone can do it it's me.

Right about now I'm feeling a little bitter that my psychiatrist quit (even though it's been a year and a half now). And possibly more bitter that it's so hard to find one who's not an A-hole. But really I guess when you've had the same doc for as long as I have, they all seem like A-holes comparatively. Maybe it's an issue with standards. Maybe it has to do with my general disdain for change I do not initiate. Maybe it's something else all together. Who knows.

I think my boss is going to hire someone else to help out with the workload at work. I'm happy in theory. In practice, I'm worried because I know I'm not as adaptive as I need to be. Particularly because 1. I'm not in charge of the interviewing/hiring process and 2. I didn't ask for anyone else to be hired. Seems petty doesn't it? In the real world it's more complex with that. My fears over new people are colored by my experiences with other people I've worked with, both at this job and at others, and with the symbiotic relationship my co-worker and I have developed (don't know how we'll merge a third person into that, eep!). I know in the end, that I am working way too hard. That in reality the work load will crush me come February, but I'm resistant/anxious about the impending changes. I'm hoping if I stay aware of what I'm going through I'll be able to keep my head above water.

Also, I miss Goose.
Terribly.
I know it's probably the October blues or whatever, but right about now I really dislike how her and I are on opposite work schedules. Getting to see her one day a week blows chunks. This is a particularly pronounced problem this week since I have not attended any of my night classes and have way too much time on my hands. . . of course, by way too much time on my hands, I mean about two hours a night less than I need to get my homework done. But then we'd have to assume that I'm doing any of it right now, which I'm not. This further compounds my problems because it forces me to spend all day Saturday working on it, which is the only day I get with Goose, but you know how I can be when the procrastination/self-deprecation cycle starts up. :P

Ah, I don't know Dear Friend. Life is just generally icky.

But do you want to know something funny? (and totally unrelated to any part of this obnoxious rant?) Thought so.

Today I went to my morning class. It's super boring, which makes me sad because I both adore my professor, and expected I would really love this class. (Somehow the particle size of sediment just isn't doing it for me). Anyway, I have to write long hand in here to keep myself awake, and by writing, I really mean transcribing every single word that is said by anyone just to keep my brain focused. I got there a few minutes late, snuck in, set my bag down and it made the LOUDEST, most bizarre clunking sound ever.

Perplexed, I stared at my bag. What was in there? Why was this happening? I was sure I asked Goose to pack it for me this morning...what did she pack me?

The class stops briefly to stare at me.

When things go back to normal I quietly go to take out my notebook and start my notes. I unzip my bag...and it's full of hammers. HA! I thought it felt heavy and strangely packed. Goose forgot to re-pack it for me and it was still full of my fossiling gear. It was pretty funny. Less funny since I kept falling asleep in class, but still pretty dang funny.

I hope things today are better than they have been in your world. I want to call you, but I am in a for-real funk with nothing to say. Instead I just stare at the phone. Also, it's funny that you mentioned crossed lines in your post the other day because today I couldn't find my phone so I called it from Gooses phone, and it rang a couple of times and then was 'answered' by what sounded suspiciously like aliens. :) For serious though, that's what it sounded like. I'm sure it was a connection error that resulted in some really really weird electronic sounds, but it freaked Goose out pretty bad. She has an intense and irrational fear of all things alien and zombie. (Not that I continually exploit that....)

Well Dear Friend, I love you tons. Don't die up there amidst all the trees. Miss us some and we'll keep on missing you. Oh, and you know....come home soon. (Just had to throw that one in there). Lots of love.

Song of the day is one of Gooses favorite songs: