Ugh.

I feel all of these things, and I don't know what any of them are.

I just...I don't know, like, absorb feelings from other people, but I can't make sense of any of them. I can't name them, or figure out their logic. I don't know where they are coming from or how to make them go away and I get bogged down in...gunk that doesn't belong to me.

Some of this may be that my cyborg status has been slipping (and by slipping, I mean may have been totally demolished) as of late. I'm not particularly happy about it either. My life is so much more complicated when I have to feel things. I keep trying to put on my cyborg face, but stuff keeps creeping in the cracks.

I'm frustrated. And a little overwhelmed. My heart hurts. I'm not sure why. Or how. Or for how long?

None of this is making any sense, which I feel is kind of fitting, since none of it makes any sense to me either.

I feel more and more like an anomaly though as time passes. Like the gulf between myself and the rest of humanity is continually growing and like the amount of effort and energy it takes to understand anyone is increasing exponentially.

I feel...somehow apart from everyone.
Alien.
Which isn't sad, but more...frustrating?
Like I'm forgetting totally how to interact with anybody other than myself.

I'm also exhausted.
On all levels.
And I desperately need sleep.
Lots of it.

I know that this is just part and parcel of Failure-To-Function-February, but that doesn't make me like it any more.
I miss your face.
I wish you were here.
And I can't wait for spring to come.

Sending you all my love.