Easter

Easter came and went.
We had a lovely time for a couple of hours.
Then my sister got drunk, made a bunch of flippant remarks about white power, and picked a huge fight with me over her swastika fetish. It was disgusting.
I tried to leave, but couldn't find my shoes.
The conversation got increasingly ugly and at some point I just said 'Fuck It' and started running.

It was like that scene in Hedwig at the end of "Angry Inch" when everything goes silent in Hedwigs mind, and she dives/flies over all the chaos.
Just like that.
I didn't feel anything.
I wasn't angry or sad or frustrated or annoyed or anything else.
I was just running
Putting as much distance between myself and that conversation as I could.
And it felt good.

Right up until it didn't.

Running without shoes is a terrible plan.
By the time I realized that my feet were both blistered and bleeding I was miles from home.
I sat down for a while to think, but my head was strangely empty.
When I gathered up the courage to start walking again, I made my way back to the canal behind your old house.
I sat on the steps leading down to the water
And thought over the last 14 years.

Can you believe those moments are exactly half a life-time away from me now?
That I was as old then, as I am far away from those moments now?
Craziness.

I sat there for a couple of ours.
Watched the sun set and the stars come up,
And missed you.
I missed the time we spent back there, wandering around the canal like it was the cool thing to do.
I'm sad that you're gone.
But I suppose that's nothing new.
And I have to remind myself, that even if you were here
You wouldn't still be living by the canal
And I wouldn't still be living within running distance.
Somehow that's a small comfort.

At some point I summoned my strength and walked home.
Another holiday under my belt.
Lol.
I miss you terribly, as always.
All my love.