"We both step and do not step in the same rivers. We are and are not."
Goose began her new job yesterday, but I fell asleep shortly after she left for work...can you tell this week's been wearing on me? Ha! So today is my first real evening alone in many years and I'm not really sure what to do with myself.
After she left I sunk into some sort of retched state of melancholia which I can't seem to shake. I'm weepy. Generally weepy. Not particularly sad. Not beyond myself in sorrow. But weepy nonetheless.
Bones made me teary. My music made me teary. The message boards I frequent made me teary. All this lead me to the conclusion that it's possible I'm a bit overstimulated (and may have a touch of PMS) while still trying to mourn the loss of the two of you, as well as two other dear friends who coincidentally left on the same day.
So I got up, fully intending to clean out that closet in the hall, you know the one. The one that's packed more than waist high with everything I have ever picked up in a hurry and then frantically looked around for a place to stuff it, when the heavens opened, light descending, sparkling and brilliant upon the hall closet door? Yep, that's the one.
Well anyway, I opened the door fully mind set on cleaning, but got distracted by my knitting needles and ended up on the couch knitting (with white. white! oppressive WHITE!!! yarn) and listening to Nietzsche on audiobook. (Twilight of the Idols, in case you're wondering). This in turn lead me to googling Heraclitus, hoping to find a painting of him done by a particular artist whose name I cannot remember (It was Hendrick ter Brugghen). Which I then found, along with the quote in the title that is wrongly attributed to him, which in turn made me wish you were around to discuss literature with, which morphed into me writing you this rather dull account of my day.
Goose wonders how the Pig is, and how everyone is fairing on the drive. I wonder mostly, where you are now and if you miss the desert yet.
Also, I'm more determined than ever to beat you in our book race, even though you won't be around to chatter away with about all of these fancy pants books we're reading. Also, please know that since I knowingly packed my copy of Desolation Angels in with your stuff, you are in fact, required to read it all the way through. In turn I will read the horrible Vonnegut book of yours that I still have. Fair is fair.
I will also watch Harold and Maude on Monday. You may quiz me on my knowledge of the subtleties of it as early as Tuesday.
Also, if you ever want it back, or want any crazily hand scrawled, anxty, lyric drenched letters from me, written like the obsessive fourteen year old we all know I am inside, you're going to have to send me your address. As a bonus, I will most likely send you other trinkets as well, but only if you let me know where you are.
That's all I've got. Hope you're safe.
Okay, in order of importance:
ReplyDeleteIt's great that Goose has a job, and I hope that she and you both adjust. You know that I know it can be hard to have someone more or less at your beck and call, and all of a sudden they have a little life and are independent, and if you hate change as much as I do, you're having a time of it. It'll level out.
I'm sorry two more good friends left--anyone I knew? I can try to kidnap them for you, if you like.
I"m sorry I haven't been able to get to the internet...as you may or may not have heard, I ran my phone over with the Uhaul as soon as I got to the Arizona state lines...like, I still had it in my head that we were going to make it to Hollywood until about six pm. I just so desperately wanted something GOOD...something for myself. Something I could say I really wanted, and got.
That very much so did NOT happen.
The drive was okay...it was nerve-wracking working with the pig, because we couldn't find a cage, then we could, but he was ripping it apart, and then I was fretting over him so much that I felt guilty for ignoring my other more human charges. Overall, he was very well behaved, and seems to be adjusting to life out here okay...but then, it's been MOSTLY sunny since we got here, an extreme rarity, I assure you.
The trip itself was okay, but fraught with peril, mostly monetary. In addition to Bank of America putting a 'courtesy freeze' on my account once I left the state, to ensure that no one was stealing my monies, we actually did run out of money in Oregon...which was sad, because they pump your gas for you in Oregon, and so he'd pumped it all before I realized there was no money left on the card, and then the poor dope was more or less ass out until I found a credit card that still worked.
Jay and I were getting along fabulously, but since we've gotten here, it's gone steadily downhill. Not adding to the pleasure of the transition is that my dad will NOT authorize J's phone or other wireless devices for his wifi, and so Jay is a) bored stiff, b) pissed as hell, and c) we're back to sharing one computer, which he finally gave me wifi access to today. I offered to just set up my own internet, but Dad said that was both unfeasible and unallowed...as is the cursing on my blog 'while under his roof'. So, as you can see, I haven't put much time into it lately. Not by choice.
I had begun reading Angels my first few days here, and was amused to discover that it's set just a few towns or counties or whatever over from here...here being where I am. So perhaps it was fate that led you to leave the book with me. And, then again, maybe it was just a kooky coincidence.
Everything and everyone is backwards here...hate may be too strong a word--it's great to be with my family again...but it's not great to be with Jay and my family again, if you feel me. They never did get on so hot, and he's trying to be SO nice, and it is backfiring again and again. I really feel for him, although now that he's started taking out his agitation on me for 'acting like I'm 12 instead of 25 and letting my parents run my life', I'm being a tinge less empathetic.
I would love some handwritten letters--it'd be easier to communicate that way, in a lot of ways...since everyone I know is paranoid now. ;) J seems better, by the way...less...whatever he was. He really seems to like it here--he already knows all the roads and what have you, he loves the weather, even though my parents have no AC and every sunny day the house heats up to a stifling 89 degrees...but what can you do?
Culture shock and a mild depression I'm fighting off, all is well for the most part. I'm going to quit babbling and move on to your next post.