Thursday, November 22, 2012
Turkey Day!
Today I am grateful for so many things. For the wonderful year that I've had. For the things I've managed to achieve. For my wonderful family. For my amazing friends. For YOU Dear Friend. For my critters. For my job. For the clear sky we had tonight, and the amazing view of the stars. For clarity. For inner peace. For self-sufficiency. For ambition and life goals, two things I had taken for granted before. For all sorts of magical things that make my life blessed.
I'm grateful for these things everyday. Today however, I say an extra big thank you to the universe, for these things and many more.
Life is Beautiful.
Turkey is tasty.
And now I am tired.
I miss your face Dear Friend, and I wish we could have spent the night drinking amaretto sours and stuffing ourselves with turkey and pie together. I can't believe this is the second Thanksgiving since you left, that feels...I don't know, almost impossible. I hope your day was lovely, even though you had to work. I hope there was as little stress as possible, and that at least the food was spectacular.
Lots of love.
Me.
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C-Word,
ReplyDeleteI ALSO can't believe that this is my second annual Thanksgiving sans you. Remember that cooler that still held turkey juice from our very first Thanksgiving together? We found it when you moved into the place you have now?
My Thanksgiving was calm...I worked, but not for long; I got sent home relatively early. I saw a video about how to trim the pig's tusks, and so I did that for about a half hour when I got home. Tried to help mom cook, but I think I've told you how THAT goes...so I mostly stayed out of the kitchen until P came over. Sierra was here, and in a relatively good mood...and P was in a pretty fucking good mood, too--he sat and stroked my hair on the couch while we watched Brave with the fam.
I thought about you and my alternative Turkey Day all day. I can't say I didn't know what I was giving up when I moved--I knew exactly what I was losing. I moved to try and save a dying thing, and now that that's gone, I feel like so many of my memories are like so many of my scars...necessary, numb and unavoidable whenever I see myself, or anything that reminds me of what I had. This place will never be my home, my acquaintances or "friends" here will never be you, and the person I was and things I did are gone and irreplacable. It's a tragedy.
However, I am grateful for many things this year. I am grateful for such a loyal, long-lasting friendship as the one I have in you. I'm grateful for my family, however fucked they may be. I'm grateful for fresh starts and for wounds that heal, and I'm even grateful that everything unraveled the way it did. (If Jay had just been a little kinder or tried a little more, or if the car hadn't been totaled, if he hadn't cheated, if I had had a better job--if any combination of things had happened differently, I could still be in that coma of depression I was stuck in for a solid year. I realized today that things happened the way they did, maybe for each of us, for a reason...because we hate change, so maybe some unseen hand just forced it for our own good. Or maybe I'm a fruitcakee. either way, I'm sticking by my epiphany.) I am better, and I am grateful for that. Truly. I'm grateful for people like Sam Pearson, who remind me that I'm not pedestrian and couldn't be if I tried. I'm grateful that life has redirected each of us to a new, less stagnant--however uncertain--path. And I'm grateful for each word you write to me, and I hope you don't ever quit. ;) I love you, C-Word!
Glass clink--amaretto sours WILL happen again. And your god damn waldorf salad--I really missed it this year. ;( I heart you!
Happy Turkey Day, my dear!
I feel the same way, only I never left here, and its so strange to exist in a place that is somehow empty of the things that made it matter. NOTHING has been the same here without you and I am perpetually haunted by your ghost. Eternally walking around places with your memory tethered to them and just waiting to think, 'shit, Mariah should tooootally be here with me right now'. But such is life I suppose. Things did, for the two of us anyway, unravel nicely. It's strange how my list is sooooo ridiculously similar to yours, and also how well timed our revelations were. Its funny the way things happen, I do believe that was a small (or you know, HUGE) gift from the universe. Our sort of tandem-evolutions. Don't worry Turtle. I'll always write you. It somehow keeps me sane, and like, moving forward in a bizarre way. Plus it reminds me how lucky we are to be able to consistently transcend time and distance. I'm grateful to have a best friend as awesome as you. And even more grateful to have one who openly calls me C-Word. That makes my soul sooooo happy!!! I promise to make you waldorf salad immediately upon my arrival in The Land Of Trees and Fog. And amaretto sours. And all other things nostalgic and ridiculous. And we will roll around in how great we are and all things will be beautiful, and nothing will hurt. <3 I love you more than life. I'll be sure to leave an offering of waldorf salad to the Gods of your memory tomorrow. ;) Sweet dreams Dear Friend!
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