I felt almost instantly better after writing that last post, and fell fast asleep (for the first time in days) shortly thereafter. The anxiety since then has been coming in waves. It washes over me, and then retreats. I expect things will remain this way through the end of the semester (which NO, I am not looking forward to. AT. ALL. Mostly because it brings with it waaaaaay more change than I'm comfortable with.).
I'd write down a list of anxiety sources (though the aforementioned one is by far the greatest), but I think that having to look at them all written down and staring back at me might push me over the edge. Lists are not my friends. Or at least, written lists are not. They're fine in my head, but insufferable and suffocating once written down, so for now at least, the plan is to focus only on the immediate task at hand, and pretend everything else does not exist.
You know, my usual M.O.
We'll see how long that lasts.
In other news, I'm in the middle of building a frame for my new bed. It's basically a hack of some Ikea bookshelves, and I'm pretty dang thrilled about it. I've got to pick up one more this weekend after I get paid, and then maybe I'll post some pics of it.
I say maybe, because if history is anything to go by, the very act of writing that statement down pretty much guarantees that I won't follow through with it. Demand avoidance, and all that.
I'm moving the larger of the fish tanks this weekend, which will be interesting considering it houses all my big fish. I have a 14 inch black ghost knife in there (named Marlow) who is going to be super pissed about the situation. There's also a pretty big pink tailed chalceus (Heathcliff), some large catfish (Starbuck and Stubb), a large angel (Queequeg)[who for the record, has gotten HUGE over the past year or so], and a big/fat gold spot pleco called Tashtego.
How exactly I'm going to transport them has yet to be decided. Some of them will undoubtedly be transported via bags, like they are when you purchase them from the fish store, but some of them, particularly Marlow, are just too big to spend very long in a bag. Right now I'm thinking about maybe using the cooler? But we'll have to see how that goes.
That's all I know, or at least all I can think of today. I'm currently suffering through a biostats lecture, I'm starving, and my computer is dying. But if this is the lowest point in my day, I'll be super pleased. Lol. :)
Lots of love.
I love you!!! First off, hurray for sleep bc not sleeping is HORRIBLE. I just woke up from a 10 hour power nap at P's house (which I needed after the two hour discussion we had about why having no confidence is horrible...bc he THOUGHT he saw me texting when he came up to my room to check on me (bc dawdle, and I know that I'm missing an "I" there, but its blogger, remember?) and he left to pout without saying a word, and this in turn made me livid) myself, so it pleases me to hear we're all sleeping. Sleeping pills! It is the only way! :) I haven't had any sleeping pills in some time now, but still--I support them and their usage.
ReplyDeleteFuck lists if they don't work for you--you should just tackle one thing every day. Spend all day thinking about one thing until you just can't anymore, and then give tomorrow to the next thing. I think this will force your sleeping mind to come to decisions about whatever it is, and when you wake up, you'll maybe have come to a conclusion about your stressors.
School being over does not mean anything horrible--I promise. Maybe you should glance through a catalog right now and pick one or two fun classes that you always wanted to take but didn't have time for...I've been thinking about classes. And bankruptcy. And a car. I really really want to get ahold of this old drug dealer Jay knew and see if he can paint a car for me...I think I've decided to hold on to my money I've saved and start literally at zero. I want a cushion...something tells me I'm going to need it. I do not feel like things are going to pan out as I'd like them to, C-word--I need a backup plan.
I would love to see more pictures of your fishies--you have no idea how bad blogger did not want to let me call them "fishies"--I've only seen a few, and I crave more. You remember my dead fish collection, don't you? I think fish know this about me, and do not trust me as a result. I think fish are beautiful, though--I demand more visuals!
How's it coming with Mary's move? Slash, your move? Also pictures are required.
I <3 you!!! Please feel better, and know its not the end of the world!!! I'm giving you a writing prompt, bc I think it's a new experiment to distract you.
Describe your a day in your ideal life. I'll try to do the same...
Okay, I have to go...I feel like I'm forgetting something though. Oh, it's just about tattoos--Nevermind. Not important. I'll remind myself. I love your dirty little face!!!! MUHWAH! Be happy and lovely and wonderful, bc that's how you make everyone feel!