Pain in the Heart.

The Heart Attack Grill is CLOSED.
CLOSED.
Not altogether closed, but closed in Arizona which makes it practically non-existent in my mind.

And I fear that I will never find a burger as tasty as that one was.

You remember right? How the heavens parted when that sexy nurse handed me my burger... How looking at it was like staring into the face of God...

And now, mere months later, I sit here in burger purgatory. Unable to find a comparable meal. Unable to drive to Texas to get another one. Unable to recreate it (in all it's lard soaked fabulous-ness) in my own tiny kitchen.

*le sigh*

What's a girl to do? And before you say it, I know, I know, there are lots of other burger joints around. I'm sure a handful of them probably do stand out from the crowd. And yet, I don't believe I could handle the disappointment that I know would wash over me with the first bite. Then not only would I have to set it back down on the plate, scowling at the abomination set before me, but I would have to pay for it too. And really really, I just couldn't handle that.

So Heart Attack Grill, I will miss you. I will miss your sexy nurses. The inappropriately angled mirrors on the back of the bars. The hilarious mix of music videos always playing. The homemade pickles. (because really really, nobody makes their own pickles anymore.) I will miss the unlimited french fry bar. I will miss the sweet, sweet smell of meat and lard intermingling. I will miss hanging out with YOU and Goose in hospital gowns. I will miss our inappropriate conversations with our waitresses. I will miss all that talk about Ri-Ri's puffy vagina and the illuminati. I will miss whole fat butter-cream shakes, Mexican cane-sugar Coke, and PBR.

But mostly...mostly I will miss the most delicious burger I have ever ever tasted.
So long good friend.
May we meet again.
Soon.