So Many Things To Say.

Oh Dear Friend. It has been a crazy week.

After hours and hours of hard work, seemingly endless phone calls, trudging around campus in 110+ degree weather, I did NOT get into the class that I needed. But I did come to a solution I am happy with. (Also, I did get back into my osteology class, hooray!)

The issue with the class at hand is that it has reserved seats. These seats are split about 60-40 between sustainability majors and my major. So if a seat opens, and it had previously belonged to someone with my major, no problem. I can totally have that seat. But if the seat belongs to a sustainability student, well then I'm SOL. So I decided waiting around, praying that a seat opens up that I can actually fill is a waste of time and set about formulating a new plan.

So I registered for my other applied math courses at the community college (online). It was an equally grueling process, there were many points where I asked myself if it was REALLY worth all this work, but of course it is, so I kept at it.

Moral of the story is, that now that all is said and done I have 26 credit hours this semester. 18 at University and 8 at community college. (That damn APPLIED calculus class is 5 credit hours! But because I already finished my whole theoretical calculus pathway it really shouldn't be a problem) I know you're reading this and thinking that I've gone nuts. And perhaps I have. Perhaps indeed. But there's a chance, no matter how small, that I'm going to kick ass this semester. Totally and completely annihilate them all. And that will be glorious.

How does that Ani song go?

"'i just need a little vaccination for my far-away vacation
i'm going to go ahead boldly because a little bird told me
that jumping is easy, that falling is fun
up until you hit the sidewalk, shivering, stunned

cuz they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound
i'm just going to get my feet wet
until i drown"

Yeah. It's going to be an epic semester, either way. 26 credit hours and a more than full time job? You know how it is though, since you're the only other person I know who could pull something like this off. Who would dive into it like I am, convinced that for the most part, it's a brilliant idea.

I really really miss you. Terribly.
More that I think I am even capable of understanding.
Not just because of all the crap we went through, but because you're the only other person I've ever found who attacks life with the same kind of intensity that I do. It's a freaking battle, and we know it. We're going to have incredible losses, but also, earth shattering victories. That that always makes it worth the risk (Do I sound manic to you? I feel a bit manic.)

I suppose I could add another semester to this, I could shell out another 6k, take the safe route. Keep my course load at a safe 12 credit hours...but that sounds terribly boring. And I hate being bored.

Mr. Archer and Hannah are my other two friends that moved away on the same day you did. (I know you asked a while back, and I never answered) They're back in town currently for a few days before the new semester starts, and I am so very glad. I didn't even get to say goodbye last time, which really intensified my feelings of loss. You never met Hannah, but Mr. Archer is the one that sang the 'glugs' song at our house warming party a couple years back. Like you, he holds a very very special place in my heart.

Right now, I'm in a difficult place, as so many people in my life are moving away for grad school or to advance their careers or for post doctorate research, simultaneously.

I'm not good at making new friends. You know this. I have very high standards of conduct, maybe impossibly high, but I don't feel that I have time/effort/energy to invest in a friendship that's not going to be a really really great fit. I'm not about to work on a relationship, of any kind, if I don't think it's going to stand the test of time, and simply put, 98% of them aren't. I find this frustrating.

I'm considering becoming a hermit. Again. You know, revisiting that old childhood dream of just spending all of my time in solitude (well, solitude with Goose), doing the things that I enjoy, that make me a better person. I think that's a reasonable plan.

I find the vast majority of people tiresome. I find that they always want more from me than is reasonable. I find that I don't like that. Perhaps I've been right all along, that I'm not really cut out for human interaction on the same scale that the rest of the world is. Maybe that's a result of my rather odd childhood, maybe that's a result of the crazy, I don't really know. But I do find that I'm becoming more and more comfortable with the idea as time goes on.

On that note, I would like to try and schedule a phone call with you at some point, when you're free and life has settled down. I'm anxious to hear all your stories of life in the wilderness. Of the pig and his exploits. Of Quickdraw and how he's adjusting. Of you know, life. In general. I hope the job search is going well, and that things are getting better. Miss you terribly, love you more than ever. Take care dear friend.