Leases, Life, and Love.

Well, I tried to renew my lease today, but failed miserably. I hit an unanticipated roadblock and to be honest, I don't have a lot of faith that it will get resolved quickly. As a result I'm meeting with my dad tomorrow so that we can figure out what we need to do to get things moving in the right direction. Luckily for me, my dad is awesome, and I know he'll help me find a quick solution.

This whole mess has been a really strange experience for me. One which really made me question my entire life up until this point and where exactly my life was/is going. And truthfully, I have no idea what I've been doing. More than that, I have no idea why I was even doing it, or what tied me to a life that made me so profoundly unhappy - other than perhaps a bizarre sense of duty and a refusal to admit defeat. Maybe I was just waiting to see how the narrative played out. Maybe I'm just oblivious, maybe it's as simple as that. Maybe I legitimately didn't notice my own unhappiness in much the same was I never noticed that purple was my favorite color, or that I love elephants. I don't know. I'm not really sure. And more than that, I'm not sure it really matters.

Will understanding it really serve me in any fashion?

What I am sure of is that these past couple of weeks (save maybe the early, frustrating part of today and the first couple hours of that first long night) have been such a tremendous blessing. I feel somehow whole and new again. The house is actually spotless and beautiful and once again mine. The ants are gone, the mystery smells are gone, and everything is in its place. My heart is huge and swollen with gratitude for all of the things I have in this life. All of the things that I've worked so hard for. All of the things I've been able to accomplish. And all of the love I have in my life.

Well, the dog and I are going to play dress up. Then we're going to put some new pictures up around the house. As promised I'll take some photos of the paint swatches for you, and some pictures of the house itself tomorrow when the light is good.

I've got the middle part of this week off because of the holiday so tomorrow night I'm putting on my best dress and hitting the town. And that My Dear, is all I know.

Lots of love to you Dear Friend. You're my favorite, and as always, thanks for being so awesome.