Motivation: it seems that I have lost it. Somewhere. Amidst the sticky July weather.
I have no drive.
I have many plans. Great things that I want to get done. But instead all week I've been watching the minutes tick by, focused on how little time I have between now and when the semester starts, and how much stuff I still want to do. The two feel incongruent.
All that looking forward nonsense can be really dangerous. At least for me. Because in order to see what's coming up I have to take my eye off the present. And then things just seem to unravel. That's the problem I'm having right now.
Or at least that's the first part of it.
The second part is that all the stuff I really want to do just plain isn't an option right now. I am just itching to get out of the house and adventure somewhere. However, between the monsoons, fires, and the bears everything is lying just out of reach. Which is lame.
I continue to make plans to go adventuring, but between the weather forecast and the National Forest Service list of park closures, I never seem to get out of the house. It's literally sucking the life right out of me.
That brings us to tier three of LittleFoots' Summer Fun Meltdown 2012. I cannot for the life of me stay awake. Ugh. Between being trapped in the house and the general lack of motivation, every time I sit down I fall asleep. More than that, I sleep fitfully. Waking every couple of hours and roaming aimlessly about the house. Tiding up here and there, maybe cleaning the baseboards or scrubbing the walls, before stumbling back to bed. It is torture.
The good news is, that the end is in sight. I just have to survive these first few weeks of early August and before I know it I'll be back in school. *Hooray!*
Song Of the Day is by Warren Zevon:
We've been having the same problem, lately. I finally went to the doctor and found out that we have Epstein Barr virus / some variation of mono, and that I have endometriosis that's worsened to the point where I need surgery to be functional again. Such is life :( , but one of these days we should all go adventuring, we have a million places to go but we never seem to get out enough or have time to do it.
ReplyDeleteHannah, that sounds miserable. Endo is my biggest fear in life, please don't die in pain. That would make me sad. We WILL go adventuring! Probably in winterish times? Yes? When you and I are done with the schooling, and you hopefully, are feeling better? I miss you guys to an almost unreasonable degree.
ReplyDeleteWinter sounds good, I think I'll be done mid December sometime.
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