This is a test

Of the emergency broadcast system...brrrrreeeeeeepppppppprrrrrrrkkkkkrrrr!!!!!

Yeah...

You know that sound. That horrible scull scratching, teeth against your bones noise that the emergency broadcast system makes? The one that gets broadcast every time there's a weather warning? Me too.

Intimately.

Yesterday I was exhausted. I came home and fell asleep on the couch again. (This seems to be a theme...) Anyway, I feel asleep. I was dreaming peacefully, the dog was asleep on my feet, the cat was asleep on my back, and then it happened.

*BBRRRRRRREEEEEEEEPPPPPRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKRRRRR* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I shot up off the couch, launched into reality from my peaceful dream world, eyes darting around in confusion.

And then I located the source of the noise.

My PHONE.

Seriously. My phone. With a severe weather warning for Maricopa County.

Okay, I thought. That was weird. I turned off the notification and went back to sleep.

*BBRRRRRRREEEEEEEEPPPPPRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKRRRRR* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again, I am yanked fromst my slumber by the Terrible Noise. My phone, again, has an update on the previous warning.

At this point, I am totally confused. I have downloaded exactly 0 apps, since my phone is, by all accounts, far too complicated for me as it is. Why the heck is it giving me weather updates?

It takes me the better part of the hour to figure out where my settings are. I scroll through looking for emergency notifications or whatever to turn off the sound, but I don't find anything. Nothing. Nada.

However, the bad weather broke, and I figured that would be the last of it.

Oh how wrong I was.

I continued to receive 'severe weather' notifications and updates throughout the night. The last one came in a 3:44 am.

I know you're wondering why I didn't just turn my phone off, and the answer is that it's also my alarm clock which makes turning it off counter productive.

I drug myself into work, exhausted and irritated. I grabbed my coffee mug and stumbled to the cafeteria, eyes mostly closed. I stopped dead in front of the coffee machine. Rubbed my eyes. And then I saw it.

"Out of Order, decaf only"

Noooooooooooooooo! I fell to my knees, lifted my arms to the heavens and let out the most guttural war cry I could muster....Or at least that's what I should have done. In reality I slunk back to my desk, head down, heart heavy.

An extensive period of googling began. How can I turn off these dang alarms? Nothing, nothing on the whole of the internet was helpful to me. I lay my head on my desk in defeat.

What I did learn from my extensive googling is that the stupid alerts are part of my 'service' package. Psh. It's ARIZONA. There is no weather here that merits that kind of noise. None. If I lived in tornado country, fine, but I don't. I don't deserve this kind of harassment.

I called my dad, at last admitting defeat, and let him take over the issue. He spent 45 minutes on the phone with our provider trying to figure out how to turn them off to no avail. In the end he found the solution online. I won't know until later tonight if it worked, but I'm cautiously optimistic.

Now if you'll please excuse me Dear Friend, I'm going to go pass out from exhaustion. Lots of Love.