"What the F is that?" Episode 1.

Well Dear Friend...today Goose left for work and I tried to busy myself with my homework like a good girl, but the persistent mumbling of my belly was distracting.
So I got up.
I paced around the kitchen.
I dug around in all the cabinets.
And then I decided nothing looked good.

What's a girl to do?

COOK THINGS! (I exclaim, in my greatest superhero voice/stance).
Yes. Yes...
Clearly I am a genius.

Now, I know that you know, from many-a-holiday spent together, that cooking is one of those things that I do well.
Or I like to think I do well and you are kind enough to humor me.
I'm comfortable with either answer. ;)
But the origins of many of those recipes we all love so dearly are a little sketchy.
Like what I created today.

Let me preface this by saying we are in dire need of a trip to the market. DIRE NEED. Our fridge is mostly full of condiments and beer at this point, and the remnants of our last shopping trip. (A couple of random fruits, some spinach, cilantro, a hand full of sugar snap peas and cheese). Yeah, yeah, I know... whatever.

Anyway Goose had thawed chicken for dinner and was planning on doing something with it when she got home. I however was leery after the 'pan chicken' incident earlier this week. While Goose is a VERY good little cook, but when things go wrong, they really really go wrong. This was one of those times. It took me two days to get the taste of pan out of my mouth. Bleck.

Clearly I needed to take matters into my own hands.

I dug around and found a recipe I was working on years ago, you know, when I had the time to work on things. Anyway it was for something called Caribbean Pineapple Chicken. I don't like cooked pineapple, but that was beside the point. It was on.

I began by draining a can of pineapple chunks and saving the juice. The chunks went into a pan with some coconut oil to brown. (I LOVE coconut oil, I use it for everything. EVERYTHING. I even put it on my face every night before bed to keep it from breaking out.)

While that was happening I cut up the chicken (5 chicken cutlets, like chicken fingers I guess) into LittleFoot sized pieces. (Like 1 inch cubes.) Then I thoroughly coated them in garlic salt and onion powder. Seriously. Coat the dang things. Don't sprinkle, don't lightly toss with, COAT THEM in it, and then toss them with bread crumbs. (The original recipe said to dredge in flour, but I didn't have any, so this is me making due)

When the pineapple is done remove it from the pan and set it aside. Add more coconut oil to the pan without rinsing, and then add the chicken.

While the chicken was browning I set to work trying to concoct a sauce. The sauce from my original recipe was not going to work as I was missing the majority of the ingredients, but I tried to run with the original concept.

In a cup I mixed equal parts soy sauce and honey. I really wish I had remembered we had miso in the fridge, but alas, I did not. There was also a minor issue with the honey (I'm a honey snob, I know I KNOW, sheesh) as I was down to the bottom of several jars. So in the end I ended up using a mixture of really sugary dense cactus honey and raw (whole) organic honey. I don't know how much. Some, probably about two big tablespoons (total, as in between both of the honeys), if I were measuring I'd probably go with 3 just to be safe. To that I added the juice of two limes, about a cup of water, a quarter cup or so of pineapple juice, some cracked black pepper, and some cilantro.

This both looked and smelled really sketchy.

I mixed that together really well and once the chicken had browned I added it to the pan. I cooked it on medium low heat, just barely above a simmer for a long time. Really it only needs to cook about 12-15 minutes to cook the chicken though, I was just tinkering in the interim, so I left it on there for a while longer.

Anyway, about oh, maybe 20 minutes in, I realized I probably needed a thickening agent for my sauce. I searched around for something, anything to do the trick, but alas, all the flour and cornstarch had been lost to pantry weevels or whatever those tiny little evil black bugs are, during the great pantry disaster of July 2011. I pondered adding all sorts of things to this, really I did. (At one point I was even considering potatoes, but the thought of it made my stomach turn.) Then I remembered, in the back of the fridge, in an unlabeled tupperware container was the answer to my prayers. Almond meal.

Now, I don't know if almond meal is supposed to be used as a thickening agent, per-say, but I figure if I can substitute it for flour sometimes then it's good enough for me. So I put some, maybe about a tablespoon or so, into the pan and mixed it around. I added the pineapple chunks back into the pan, and left it to thicken and reduce.

I let the sauce reduce until it was almost gone, then added a little bit more pineapple juice, maybe about two tablespoons or so, scraped all the stuff off the bottom of the pan, and let it reduce again.

I served it to myself on jasmine rice with sugar snap peas and spinach (I also eat spinach with everything.) It was still looking a bit odd, and I had refrained from tasting it during this whole process. Both because I was afraid this coagulated honey/pineapple/soy sauce mess would be terrible, and also because I like to see how well my brain can put ingredients together without the benefit of taste testing. (Or maybe I like to be withholding, you know, whatever.)

But I sat down, plate of mystery chicken in front of me, and faced the monster I had made. I took one, fateful bite. And let me just tell you, it was, without a doubt, the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. Even better than my coconut infused, roasted brussels sprouts. IF you can believe that.

You have
NO.
IDEA.

Currently I am awaiting Gooses' triumphant return home from work so that I can get some feed back OTHER than my own.
(But seriously, it's practically Mana from Heaven.)

Here is a picture.
Please be jealous.
(I love you!)

[Edit] Goose came home and after the first bite, rated it a 9/10. Somewhere around the 3rd bite she changed her rating to a 15/10. And about half way through her plate, while she was forgetting to breathe between bites she rated it a 20/10. Which is a big win for me. Yay!

Hooray for food, hooray for food adventures, hooray for kitchen fun!